Sunday, June 29, 2014
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Mental Note
Dear woman in the front row of class who throws temper tantrums and disrupts class daily,
You say you are attempting to get a degree in the Child-Care/Development field?
Remind me to never have Children.
K. Thanks.
You say you are attempting to get a degree in the Child-Care/Development field?
Remind me to never have Children.
K. Thanks.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
What is Wrong with this Dialogue?
Professor: "What was invented in the late 1400's?"
Student 1: "The light bulb!"
Student 2: "Trains?"
Student 3: "Car."
Me: "...................."
(once again, this sh*t really happened)
The correct answer is: The Printing Press.
1. Light bulb = 1900's
2. Trains = 1800's
3. Car = 1900's
*head-desk*
Student 1: "The light bulb!"
Student 2: "Trains?"
Student 3: "Car."
Me: "...................."
(once again, this sh*t really happened)
The correct answer is: The Printing Press.
1. Light bulb = 1900's
2. Trains = 1800's
3. Car = 1900's
*head-desk*
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
A Letter to The Obstruction of My View
Dear Madam and/or Sir,
whichever the case may be,
Please put down the candy bar and walk away.
You already do not fit in your chair.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
A horrified bystander.
whichever the case may be,
Please put down the candy bar and walk away.
You already do not fit in your chair.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
A horrified bystander.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Attention College Goers
Here is a list of things you DO NOT do in the middle of a quiet study atrium (room)::
Thanks.
- Eat really smelly foods
- Fall asleep and Snore
- Wear Elf ears
- Sing (poorly) to Skillet songs
- Take off your shirt
- Fart - loudly
- Carry on a cell phone conversation (btw, dude she's just not into you. Take the hint.)
- Change a screaming babies diaper
- Have a massage orgy (who let you people out of high school?)
- Fight about a game of 'Magic: the gathering'
- Feed a screaming baby (put your boob away and go home)
- Have a date
- Carry on a conversation so everyone can hear about how 'awesome' you are (your annoying, SHUT UP)
- Make fun of the guy with headphones, he can still hear you.
- Belch loudly
- Make a drug deal
- Laugh at your own comments/jokes
- Think at all (or so it seems)
- Apparently not your homework, 'cause no one around you has common decency.
Thanks.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Dawn of the Bieber
It was an unusual stormy October day; A Friday afternoon.
I was at the mall - Something out of my norm.
The mall was packed with human bodies, as it usually is on a weekend. People streamed in and out of shops.
Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at first...
Then I reached the food court.
The air seemed to grow thick.
The crowd, even thicker. People schooled like guppies through the tables.
I noticed something.... Everyone was beginning to look the same.
There was a scream in the distance. Then a man ran past me saying, "Turn back before its too late!" Very cliche'. Then I saw why.
Biebers.
EVERYWHERE.
Every tween, adolecent, pre-pubescent, and poser in the entire mall was sporting that hideous mop of untamed-bowl cut hair!
I backed up and started to run in the opposite direction. Several other people were doing the same thing. A man to my left tripped and fell, calling for help but it was too late, the Biebers were upon him, styling his hair and stripping him of his dignity.
I looked away in horror and continued to run with the last few survivers.
As we reached the fountain in the middle of the mall a woman around my age threw me a battery operated razor saying, "Shave their heads, its the only way to stop them." Its as if she's seen this epidemic before...
I clutched the razor tightly, turned it on and shaved every bieber that came my way...
After what felt like hours of shaving and losing half of our team to the virus, we had won.
I dusted hair that was not my own off my jacket and went out to the empty parking lot.. extra batteries in hand I drove off into thenight to find more survivors and shave away the rest of this nightmare...
I was at the mall - Something out of my norm.
The mall was packed with human bodies, as it usually is on a weekend. People streamed in and out of shops.
Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at first...
Then I reached the food court.
The air seemed to grow thick.
The crowd, even thicker. People schooled like guppies through the tables.
I noticed something.... Everyone was beginning to look the same.
There was a scream in the distance. Then a man ran past me saying, "Turn back before its too late!" Very cliche'. Then I saw why.
Biebers.
EVERYWHERE.
Every tween, adolecent, pre-pubescent, and poser in the entire mall was sporting that hideous mop of untamed-bowl cut hair!
I backed up and started to run in the opposite direction. Several other people were doing the same thing. A man to my left tripped and fell, calling for help but it was too late, the Biebers were upon him, styling his hair and stripping him of his dignity.
I looked away in horror and continued to run with the last few survivers.
As we reached the fountain in the middle of the mall a woman around my age threw me a battery operated razor saying, "Shave their heads, its the only way to stop them." Its as if she's seen this epidemic before...
I clutched the razor tightly, turned it on and shaved every bieber that came my way...
After what felt like hours of shaving and losing half of our team to the virus, we had won.
I dusted hair that was not my own off my jacket and went out to the empty parking lot.. extra batteries in hand I drove off into thenight to find more survivors and shave away the rest of this nightmare...
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Check yo' dollar bills! They be dirty!
Ya know those one dollar bills you keep handy? The ones for college vending machines and quick little snacks or gum or wtfever you spend dollars on?
They are filthy!
Most of those "ones" you keep handy have been in a strippers g-string.
Just saying...
So yeah, go wash your hands.
Yay hand sanitizer!
They are filthy!
Most of those "ones" you keep handy have been in a strippers g-string.
Just saying...
So yeah, go wash your hands.
Yay hand sanitizer!
Friday, October 14, 2011
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